Episode 19

Grandmothers!

Grandmothers!

Debbie's comical approach to being a grandmother in training.

Charlie is exhausted by her exhaustion!

Debbie walked into the studio with a smirk on her face, didn't say a word, and Charlie knew to pour her a shot of tequila, and then we started recording. Debbie sure needed that shot of tequila.

Transcript

Grandmothers!

PM •:

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

daughter, baby, extreme sport, steps, kidding, grandparents, giovanni, grandma, hula hoop, knife, unbelievable, peed, cindy crawford, grandmothers, called, problem, week, freaks, hospital, qualified Stevie Wonder

SPEAKERS

Charlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro, Debbie Charlie, Debbie Nigro, Debbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger, Charlie Ponger

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

Hey everyone, welcome to the official teenagers. We have a new slogan it's called Never too late, even though Deb was late, but she has a real good excuse. And you guys have a really good excuse. You're you're on maternity leave.

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

And they said it wasn't possible a certain age. Yeah. So anyway, look, I, my daughter had a new baby. Yay. And it's a child. I'm not qualified to teach, because it's a boy. I'm not used to that. Like I lost my eyesight from a pee. But I honestly cannot believe Yeah, well, what it takes to be a grandparent in 2022. Man, you bet. It's an extreme sport.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

Yeah. It's an extreme sport.

Debbie Nigro:

I've been missing in action so long trying to help out over the house. So it's you moved, right? That when I walked down your driveway, just now I tripped on a chin hair that I didn't even know grew and I was I read Come on. What's wrong with knowing what the heck happened to my life? So I wanted to just come in here and not even talk to you just get right on the mic and start sharing right

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

here. That's what we do. And that's what we're doing here.

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

Okay, let's get real what I said to Charlie, hit the exit. You know, I left my daughter's I've been there since, I don't know three years ago. And I went up to help the babies a week years to wait babies a week and a half all because he was Giovanni. Oh, congratulations, Deb. His name is Giovanni Jilla. Nella? Yes. It's my daughter. Listen, do me a favor. Are you thinking about a middle name? If it'd be Ted net? Or how because this kid will never get out of kindergarten? Never. Alright, so. Giovanni? Yeah. And then we got Gianna Teresa, Jelena. My granddaughter who's three and a professional homewrecker. Yeah. So when grandparents will understand this, and I'm a very young grandparent, and I thought I was really qualified for this. I am not qualified for this job. Okay, so what happened? Well, I almost killed myself. 50 times. I got more booboos any kid in the entire neighborhood? I have more. Baby shark. Bandaid on me than any woman my age. will give you those. Now a dump I gave them to me. I everything in their house is like super sharp. Like like these are the sharpest knives out you always hear me she bleeding. Bleeding yourself. cut myself with the scissor dropped. Boom. Oh, geez. Oh, where's the urgent care to boom. Knives. Oh, and then three was they have an island always crumbs on the floor. I bend down both frozen peas on my head. It was

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

my daughter stabbed me with a knife once by accident. We were at the sink getting ready making dinner. And she turned around too fast to stab me right in the form of the knife actually stuck in my forearm. I looked at her she looked at me went Ah. And I went alright, I pulled it out. Seriously, seriously?

Debbie Nigro:

Is something wrong with

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

Kitchen Kitchen problem? Yeah.

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

So it was really joyful cook. Because if you are blessed enough to live long enough to see your children have other children? Yeah, then you should really embrace it. Right? And so I always embrace it. And even though I have no time because I am a working grandma on Iran. I have a job. I have radio shows. I have deals. I got business. So my daughter says, and I know

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

you're behaving sort of like that. This is your baby.

Debbie Nigro:

I need to see somebody

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

to I mean, you're like, Charlie, I get so mad. And then it's

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

a protective mommy thing for my own daughter. She had a C section she can't really move around that glad so she needs help range. And she had a move like from three blocks away to 50 minutes away, like right in the middle of this before this. Yeah, thank you to my son in law who renovated the house they got in they slipped in royally like she gave birth and like slipped in the house right the same time right? So oh, that's a double whammy. Double whammy right new house. And this house has vertical steps like no super votive vertical steps.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

What is an old house?

Debbie Nigro:

No. Is that really? I don't know if it's that old? Maybe 70 vertical steps. You asked me. I wouldn't have bought the house. I'm like, okay, unless you want to be a supermodel. Grandmas of my age do not need to look like Cindy Crawford. But if I went there every week from here till eternity, I would look like Cindy Crawford. Just because those steps. Oh, because you'll be working out Charlie. I gotta like lay on your floor because you can't believe the pain in my backs.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

Are you kidding me?

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

Are you kidding me? I tried to do it on the road. Oh, no. Let me get this. Oh, let me get that. Let me get this. Oh, no, don't worry. I got it. I'm like, shoot yourself.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

So you are really being subservient to your daughter and her entire family. Doing the Italian mother. You were doing the Italian grandmother thing with pleasure.

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

Yeah, until I can't walk and that's a problem. But anyway, you walked in here Here, I didn't I limped with a

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

smirk on your smart with a smirk on your face and you just shook your head. You just shook your head and you're like, do you have to kill it? Yeah, so first thing. Unbelievable. Well, here's

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

the fun thing. Well, you know, it's just a joy to see new life.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

Create, isn't it? It's about the smell of a new baby.

Debbie Nigro:

You know what I put on for you today and and let you get close enough to smell it. Baby magic.

Charlie Ponger:

What's that?

Debbie Charlie:

I have no kidding me.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

I have no idea.

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

Baby magic is the Johnson and Johnson smell of a new baby. Yeah. Anybody smelling a new baby? Get out? Yeah. And I left my moisturizer home. So I figured, oh, what the hell? So I put it on. I was so relaxed with myself last night. Yes. It relaxes babies. Oh, no kidding. Oh, no, that I have

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

no clue. I gotta call my daughter's and ask

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

him that. I'm gonna bring it next time. And you and I will say is it organic? It's orgasmic. It's so I'm gonna put it on. I'm going to bring a whole thing of baby magic next time. Yeah. And we're going to put it on before the show. Yeah. And watch how slow we talk. Oh, wouldn't that be fun? Smells so good. So anyway, I

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

haven't seen you in a while because

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

you've had COVID had COVID. That was convenient. Yeah.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

Now I'm double, triple. You know, certified, I can go anywhere I get

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

so many antibodies. Yeah. Because you're like, so anti bodies. Nobody's coming over. Everything anyway. But it's interesting, because we were trying to keep the momentum going with this show. And you said, I'm sorry. And I was feeling guilty. Yeah, I'm going to step this up. By the way. I'm going to come over here more often, but great. You said I'm sorry, Debbie. I know you have a newborn coming. This is before my daughter gave birth. He said I don't think he should come here. I have COVID. Yeah, I see him.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

But even after I tested 23, even after I tested negative, I wanted to wait. Because yes, there were still some lingering things. And I was coughing a little bit and that sort of stuff. And so I just said, No, thank you for that. I appreciate it. You're welcome. So yeah, I really hurt feelings to you. No,

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

no, it's very thoughtful. People have to be thoughtful right now, because there are a lot of people who are compromised. And I hate to say this, but and I don't want to be in this COVID Nonsense, but COVID is rearing itself in a really big way. Again, in the New York area where we are New York, Connecticut, yeah. And everybody who wanted me to come to their thing you didn't prior to my daughter giving birth, which knew like two weeks before I said, Listen, I love you guys. I'm just not coming. So guess what happened? What? Exactly what I thought happened. Everybody went down from virus COVID That's people friends.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

So me and all the parties that we were supposed to go to this? No. Yes. My

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

best friend was in the hospital. I was freaking out. Oh cam with the whole Since young, fabulous. She actually is delusional. They love her. Delusional young. Oh, it's delusional. Young's the doctor. She's like flaming COVID virus fever. And the doctor is like, I can't treat you need to go to the hospital. She's like, I don't understand. She's like, why? You are a 60 year old woman. Yeah. Who are compromised and you better go Go have fun. She's like, I'm 65 days a week. Right? Yeah. Anyway, I got this new little boy grandson, which is prior Congratulations again. Thank you. It reminds me of you because every five minutes he's naked peeing in the middle of the year. You do

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

I do bow I wear work boots and I'm out in the garden naked gardening?

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

No, I find this absurd. Why?

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

Who? Nobody's around? Why do you have to work close?

Debbie Nigro:

Who does this me? Right? I am a huge problem in the neighborhood. It's why the place hasn't sold. It's why there's a problem with the property value. That is there's a word out about Yeah. Oh, there is

Charlie Ponger:

Yeah, well,

Debbie Charlie:

that's not the sign when I pulled up the town

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

full of this guy.

Debbie Nigro:

It was like when I was read things with a red thing threw it at your face. Up surely, actually. Anyway, back to the baby boy. Yeah. AP random. Who knew I never had a boy. Yeah. All right. Added. Yeah, the random random. So the first P in the history of his being was in the hospital and I happen to be standing next to the nurse who came in. And all of a sudden I was like, Oh, I have my camera. So we got this giant arc, but he peed on himself and was terrible. But now I know you that be prepared? And this is these are things that grandparents need to go to school for this should be grandparents school. Like, what like what do you remind you you gave birth to a child and you had other memories that you've totally forgotten that you actually owe

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

so you can try to get alive refer to get a refresher

Debbie Nigro:

course on like how to keep children alive and what to do. Yeah, and having just come from his experience last couple of weeks of being a couple days up there I am. I'm not qualified.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

You're not qualified anywhere. I hurt lot. So exhausted. So you need to retire from No, I

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

need to step it up. Oh, you're going to step it up. grandparenting is extreme sport. I'm going to play the game.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

The last What are you going to do? Drink more workout?

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

You can't drink there. Can't even eat there. You can't be there. There's no time. I haven't showered in two days. Like okay, well, I

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

know I smelt that come in.

Debbie Charlie:

Honestly, what I find, like like last night, for example, I'm holding it one and a half week old carry us. Yeah. Oh, right. So I'm responsible for that freaks me out for the life of this person in my arm. Right. I got a three year old who's hula hooping? Right. And you're holding the baby and throws a hula hoop and now I'm, I trip on the hula hoop. We can have fun. I got it. I got this. I got this. I have neuropathy. And my feet shouldn't feel my feet. I have to stare at my feet. It's neuropathy. Oh, it's like, it's like being neurotic and your feet. neuropathy in the feet. It's like no feeling. Really. So unbelievable. Yeah, got no feet. So I see them. But they don't really relate it to me anymore. They're down and bottom on my legs. And they have their own minds like you feel them you don't feel so having a week and a half year old and a three year old thrown hula hoops. And this was a precarious story. But anyway, where were we? Little boy, here we go. He's randomly remind me of you. Yeah. And I just want to talk to you about that. Because the neighbors are concerned. They're concerned about me. Well, who's coming here?

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

Nobody can see me garden. Nobody can see me. I kind

Debbie Nigro:

of liked the idea that and the freedom you feel? Yeah. It's just not good for your reputation.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

Well, there'll be somebody in I don't know. Maybe a woman from Vermont? or California or Alaska. I

Debbie Charlie:

don't know. You know, since I've seen you. I've heard

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

since the weather's been so nice. Guess what? musical artists I've been playing like nonstop.

Debbie Charlie:

What Stevie Wonder. Love them on. Believable genius.

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

Genius. Yeah, and every song is better than the next song.

ebbie Nigro & Charlie Ponger:

And can you imagine he drummed it up without ever seeing the world isn't an unbelievable unbelievable things you don't get till you get them don't come to you can't believe how lucky you are. It's incredible. That's one of the beauties of being RH right? So you have to realize how much wisdom respect the magic Alright,

harlie Ponger & Debbie Nigro:

how are we closing our episode here?

Debbie Nigro:

Are we we're taping? Yeah. We're just be us and I just wanted to come over and just start talking to you. I haven't seen you. Not contagious. No, I have a new grandson. Yeah. Wild peepee I got a degree in what you got a degree. Yeah. And extreme sports as grandma. Oh, yeah. All right. I'm not your mother's grandma is a whole other sport. Yeah, I want I got my black belt in Grammy. Oh, yeah, they should have a six sigma. They should have an award ceremony called the Grammys. And like the Grammys who survived this like we know. I made 75 Steps upstairs. I got 12,000 logy I didn't send everybody I picked up 7000 serious and I took entertain everybody and that kid peed on my head and I still look fabulous. So I went and I went home and my boyfriend oh really Grammys do that. Yeah, it's never too late. Right now a couple of days bye bye

Charlie Ponger:

as the Milky Way sometimes you me hi You see my face

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Official Seenagers
Official Seenagers
Never Too Late

About your host

Profile picture for charlie ponger

charlie ponger

Hey Everyone, The Official Seenagers is a comedy improv riffing podcast. Featuring self-deprecating storytelling and so much more!